Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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