Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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