I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
