i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
