my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
