I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
