Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
