An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
