The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
