The maid of honor just puked.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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