The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
