i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
