if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
