i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
