Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sarcasm needs its own font
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
