either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
