This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
