when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
