dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
