how can u be prego again
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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