You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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