I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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