Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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