she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
