Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
