I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
