we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
