When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
