you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
