God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
