and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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