I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
