I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
