Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
