so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
