is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is Oprah even human
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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