I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
