I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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