He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
