I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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