I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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