rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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