why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
