I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
