Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
