If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
