Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
