How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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