Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This house was built for laser tag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
