Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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