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I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
