This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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